========================== MEN CAN STOP RAPE (formerly MRPP) May 2001 Newsletter ========================== WELCOME!       Please send submissions you would like to see in the MCSR Newsletter to Pat McGann .  Submissions can include information about conferences, programs, events, projects, books, resources, as well as reports about issues and organizational programs. The MCSR newsletter is distributed through Topica.  If you wish to subscribe, send a message to mencanstoprape-subscribe@topica.com, leaving the subject and message areas blank.  If you wish to unsubscribe, send a message to mencanstoprape-unsubscribe@topica.com, leaving the subject and message areas blank. If you have any questions or problems, don't hesitate to contact Pat McGann at pmcgann@mencanstoprape.org. The May Newsletter contains the following sections: 1. May Presentations 2. Grants that Make a Difference 3. PCAR's Catalog 4. Job and Intern Openings 5. MCSR July Speaker Training 6. You Can Now Donate to MCSR Online! 7. Expanding the MOST Clubs 8. New Books 9. Report on the Frederick Douglass Awards 10. AIDS and Sexual Violence in South Africa 11. "Check-In," MCSR's Monthly Column 12. The Continuum ======================== 1. MAY PRESENTATIONS ======================== On May 1st and 3rd, from 4:30 to 5:15pm, MCSR will meet for the Men of Strength (MOST) Club at the Ballou High School Branch of the Boys and Girls' Clubs of Greater Washington.  The curriculum focuses on redefining masculinity so that strength is not about violence. May 3: A presentation to 9th grade boys at Cardozo High School in DC. May 5: A collaborative workshop with Empower at the Visions in Feminism Conference at the University of Maryland. May 7: Three presentations to students at Roosevelt High School in DC. May 14: Three presentations to students at Roosevelt High School in DC. May 15: Two presentations to students at Banneker High School in DC. May 17: Three presentations to students at Banneker High School in DC. May 18: Two presentations to students at Wilson High School in DC. May 21: Two presentations to students at Wilson High School in DC. May 24: Two follow-up presentations to students at Wilson High School in DC. May 25: Two follow-up presentations to students at Wilson High School in DC. ==================================== 2.  GRANTS THAT MAKE A DIFFERENCE ==================================== The Foundation Center in DC has a wonderful web site for researching possible sources of funding, and they've started a new feature this month: "Grants that Make a Difference."  Every month, this feature will highlight grants given to Washington, DC area organizations that have helped make a difference in people's lives. Men Can Stop Rape is happy to say that the grant provided by the Summit Fund of Washington to support the Strength Campaign is the first one posted in "Grants that Make a Difference."  You can access this feature through the entire month of May at: http://fdncenter.org/washington/dc_greatgrants.html We thank both the Summit Fund of Washington and The Foundation Center for supporting MCSR's Strength Campaign.  If you are interested in looking at the Campaign's posters, go to our web site at www.mencanstoprape.org and click on "Strength Campaign." ===================== 3.  PCAR'S CATALOG ===================== The Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape has a wonderful online catalog filled with all sorts of materials that can help in the work you do to stop sexual violence.  If you'd like to see what they have, you can either go to our web site at www.mencanstoprape.org, click on "Strength Campaign" and then scroll to the bottom of the page, where there is a link, or you can go directly to their site at www.pcar.org. ========================= 4.  INTERN OPENINGS ========================= The DC Rape Crisis Center is a private, community-based organization dedicated to ending sexual violence.  The Center is now looking for summer interns.  The Center seeks diversity in its interns and volunteers, and individuals of all racial and ethnic backgrounds, ages, classes, sexual orientation, and physical abilities are encouraged to become involved.  Internships are available in Community Education, Counseling and Advocacy, Administration, and Development.  For more information, please contact Rose at 202.232.0789 ext. 222 or dcrcc@erols.com. ====================================== 5.  MCSR JULY MCSR SPEAKER TRAINING ====================================== Men Can Stop Rape will be conducting a three day speaker training, "Visible Allies: Engaging Men in Preventing Sexism and Sexual Violence," on July 6, 7, and 8.  For more information, go to our home page at www.mencanstoprape.org and click on "July Speaker Training." The number of participants is limited to fifteen so don't wait to register! Contact Pat McGann at 202-265-6530 or pmcgann@mencanstoprape.org for registration materials or further information. ========================================= 6.  YOU CAN NOW DONATE TO MCSR ONLINE! ========================================= MCSR is a small non-profit that very much depends on donations to support its many youth-serving programs.  We're excited because our web site now has the capacity for people to make donations online!  Thanks to Contribute.com, people can make credit card donations through a secure server.  Just go to our web site at www.mencanstoprape.org and click on either "Show Your Strength" or the "Donate" icon.  Donations are tax-deductible to the full extent allowed by law.  Contact us at info@mrpp.org or (202) 265-6530 for more information. ============================================== 7.  REPORT ON MEN OF STRENGTH (MOST) CLUBS ============================================== Neil Irvin, MCSR's new Community Education Coordinator, wrote the following. We're coming to the end of another school year and to the close of another session of the Men of Strength Club (MOST Club). These "Men Of Strength" were a collection of talented and committed young men from the Boys and Girls Clubs of Greater Washington Ballou High School branch. The young men are a mix of students from Ballou High School and Washington Math, Science, and Technology Public Charter High School. The young men came with a great deal of respect and openness to a very complicated and sensitive issue. They are to be commended for the thoughtful and insightful manner with which they dealt with the issue of masculinity and men's violence against women and children while also being able to think critically about other forms of oppression that confine us as a society. To complete the MOST Club experience, the young men are asked to come up with a creative "Community Strength Project" to serve as a springboard into their futures as community role models and leaders. The young men decided to accept the challenge of seeing what it takes to be a father through participating in the Baby Think It Over (BTIO) program. BTIO is a program that uses a computerized "Baby" that acts like a real baby in different situations. Baby will cry when hungry, wet, mishandled, uncomfortable, or just needing attention. We are then able to check on how well the Baby was cared for by a computerized readout at the end of the assigned time. Our young men will have these Babies for four days and will be responsible for the care and needs of the Baby. We'll let you know how the project turns out. We've been very pleased with this year's MOST Club and the level of participation and cooperation that we've received from the students. The response from the participants and the community lets us know that we are moving in a positive direction for future MOST clubs. We have already had requests for MOST Clubs in the fall at School Without Walls and Cesar Chavez High Schools. We are continuing to expand the role the MOST Clubs will play in the community, with community projects, panel discussions, speaker trainings, peer mediation, field trips, and esteem-building workshops and experiences.  We're looking forward to watching the program grow. ================ 8.  NEW BOOKS ================ IN MY FATHER'S ARMS In My Father's Arms: A True Story of Incest is described as  "One man's horrific memoir of sexual abuse at the hands of his all-American father." The book opens in Tallahassee, Fla., just after the Cuban missile crisis.  Nine-year-old Walter de Milly is awakened by his father, who leads him to their backyard bomb shelter, bolts the heavy lead door, and abuses him.  Shortly thereafter, the child watches his father drive to his job at the bank, ``his white shirt crisp against his Presbyterian back.''  More than 30 years later, de Milly, who has actually gone into business with his dad, picks up the phone and hears an angry neighbor speak an ugly truth: ``Your father molested my son.'' At the neighbor's insistence, the family finally confronts their father's pedophilia and takes drastic action: Walter de Milly senior, the smiling, silver-haired pillar of the community undergoes surgical castration... Throughout the book, de Milly periodically assumes the point of view of his younger self, and re-creates the full force of a child's hapless bewilderment during abuse...  In an age where such tales have become so commonplace that they have lost some of their ability to shock, the raw power of de Milly's writing ensures that readers will long remember his disturbing story." - Copyright (c)1999, Kirkus Associates, LP.  All rights reserved.   Learn more about Walter de Milly at his web site: www.walterdemilly.com ================================================ 9.  REPORT ON THE FREDERICK DOUGLASS AWARDS ================================================ On April 30, 2001, Men Can Stop Rape honored Mr. Douglass by hosting the 3rd Annual Frederick Douglass Awards.  These Awards recognize local men of all ages whose efforts reflect a commitment to nonviolence, gender equality and women's empowerment.  In essence, the Awards celebrate a different way of being a man by emphasizing the many ways that men can be empowered without overpowering others, limiting women's freedom or resorting to violence. This year's honorees were: **Larry B. Quick, Executive Director, Life Pieces to Masterpieces** If you mix together love, art, and activism, you get Larry Quick and the organization he and his wife Mary founded in 1997, Life Pieces to Masterpieces (LPTM).  LPTM, a DC-based nonprofit that focuses on African-American males, ages 3-21, living in public and low-income housing, helps youth create something of great beauty and value out of the positive and negative experiences in their lives.  Trained as a professional artist and graduate of the Corcoran School of Art, Larry uses painting, storytelling, rap songs, and poetry to help LPTM's "apprentices" discover their innate creativity and develop the strength and courage to live positive, honorable lives. **C. Kenneth Travers, MD, OB/GYN, Capitol Women's Care Practice** Listed in the Washingtonian in both 1995 and 1999 as one of the DC metropolitan area's top doctors in the field of obstetrics and gynecology, Dr. Kenneth Travers has dedicated himself for the past 25 years to promoting the strength, health, and empowerment of women. Unique to his approach to patient care, Dr. Travers brings a special sensitivity to victims of sexual abuse and domestic violence, providing medical care, education, and other resources to help them - and when possible, their partners and family members - heal and become survivors.   Dr. Travers commitment to enhancing the lives of the women he serves also involves raising the awareness of other healthcare professionals and students-in-training about the emotional and physical health needs of women with a history of interpersonal violence. **Ibrahima Haidara and LeAndrew Brown, Urban Rangers** Ibrahima, 16, and LeAndrew, 18, both students at Woodrow Wilson Senior High School, are this year's Youth Award recipients.  For five years, both young men have been members and teen leaders of the Urban Rangers, a youth corps based in Adams Morgan that weaves together community service, recreation, and conflict mediation.  Both are described by Katie Davis, founder and director of Urban Rangers, as "deeply impressive."  They are hard workers who "carry themselves proudly and at the same time softly."  Their peers look to them as role models and admire their ability to negotiate "rough waters in their neighborhood…with grace."  Iby and LeAndrew strive not to get caught up in "silly moments of pride and provocation," sidestepping conflict and choosing instead to direct their strength into positive activities such as mountain biking, attending Young Christian Life Camp, protecting the environment through the Student Conservation Corps, and holding part-time jobs.  Ibrahima and LeAndrew are a testimony to the capacity of young men everywhere to be strong without being violent. Thanks go to the following people and organizations for helping to make the Awards a success: * The honorees and their presenters, who are always an inspiration; * Robert Pruitt for doing a wonderful job of emceeing the event; * Donna Purchase for doing an incredible job organizing the FDA as Program Committee Chair; * The Host Committee, who worked so hard to sell tickets; * Life Pieces to Masterpieces, for entertaining everyone with their exciting and so very important art; * The volunteers whose help was so crucial in doing the laborious task of setting everything up and breaking everything down; * The following sponsors: Fannie Mae; Visua'ls by Barry; Chris Kilmartin, Marna Tucker; Dirk Niese in honor of Ken Travers; and Sees Candies, who donated the boxes and boxes of chocolate that kept so many attendees so very happy. ================================================ 10.  AIDS AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE IN SOUTH AFRICA ================================================ The following comes from Andrea Weiss, an assistant editor working on a South African newspaper, Cape Argus. "I stumbled across Men Can Stop Rape while doing research for a lifeskills page in our newspaper, the Cape Argus, the largest English-language newspaper in Cape Town, South Africa.  As MCSR readers may or may not know, there are more people infected with HIV/AIDS in Southern Africa, than the whole of the United States and Europe combined, most of them women.  According to LoveLife, an organization funded by the Henry J Kaiser Family Foundation, in a bid to encourage safer sexual practices, more than 50% of South Africans under the age of 15 today could die of AIDS-related causes in the next 5 to 10 years. "South Africa's current infection rate is around 20%.  One of the reasons why women are so vulnerable to HIV infection is because of an entrenched culture of sexual coercion and rape. Four in 10 sexually experienced girls recently reported that they were forced to have sex when they didn't want to, while 33% of girls in the same study (also by LoveLife) said they were afraid of saying no to sex. An investigation by the international organization Human Rights Watch found that girls in South African schools routinely experience sexual harassment, often from their teachers.  Against this backdrop, it is patently evident that unless relationships between men and women change, there is little that can be done to stem the tide of AIDS pandemic, which is threatening to swamp South Africa. It is also clear that women are vulnerable because of the way men behave.  Part of our newspaper's strategy is to publish a weekly page talking directly to the youth about issues of sexuality, gender and relationships. "I have asked for permission to reproduce some of Men Can Stop Rape's materials to show that rape does not have to be an inevitability, and that men can make a difference.  What I found on MCSR's web site is manna from heaven in this quest, and I'd like to thank the organization for making it available." ========================================= 11.  "CHECK-IN," MCSR'S MONTHLY COLUMN ========================================= As men and women focused on raising others' awareness of rape and teaching others about preventing men's violence, it is easy to stop looking inward and exploring the impact of rape culture on our own lives.  "Check-In" provides a place for us to reflect on how the issues that MCSR addresses (e.g., men's violence, masculinity, power, sexual communication) touch us, influence our relationships, and shape our work.  We welcome your reactions and feedback, which we will share in future newsletters. Pat McGann, MCSR's Director of Outreach, wrote this "Check-In". Racing The weather is cool and wet and my heart is pounding.  I've left the Anacostia metro stop and am walking quickly through Southeast, trying to find the church where the Metro DC Male/Fatherhood Network meeting will be held.  But there is no entrance where I expect one-only a black iron fence that seems to travel on forever.  Even though the street is level, I'm breathing as though I'm moving uphill.  As I pass young men wearing baggy pants and Nike shoes, I look down at the sidewalk.  I've forgotten an umbrella and my glasses are spotted with moisture, so I look up only when I have to, although it's not just the rain that keeps my eyes focused downward.  I have never been in Southeast across the river and I am the only White person I see. This area of the city is generally characterized as dangerous; it exists in DC's cultural imagination as a haven for crime, corruption, and violence-drive-by shootings, knifings, drug deals, it all supposedly happens here.   It is a part of the city tourists never see, nor usually those from the suburbs.  I live in a Maryland suburb-Takoma Park, which is racially diverse, but I am still struggling to see the people around me as people; I am trying to calm myself. I know the cultural stereotype about Black men when it comes to rape: they are much more likely to sexually assault someone than are White middle and upper class men.  And I know this myth depends on the perpetuation of the image of the Black man as monster, as the embodiment of violence-someone who exists outside civilized norms.  My fears in Southeast are fueled by this very same image.  I am mad at myself because I have worked so hard to dismantle the stereotype in my own life.  Growing up in Lubbock, Texas, a racially segregated city of 200,000, I knew mostly Whiteness; there was one Black student in my middle school of 600.  During high school, though, my best friend during my senior year was Latino, and I worked with mostly African Americans on the dock of the city newspaper during the graveyard shift.  When my partner and I moved to Chicago to attend graduate school, we lived in Oak Park, a racially integrated suburb, and our landlord was Black.  I taught composition for three years to students of color, mostly from low-income families, and studied the theory and politics of race in relation to language and literacy.  When we moved to DC, I was clear that I did not want to live in a White-only environment, that I wanted something different than Lubbock. Yet as I stumble my way through Southeast, I'm surprised at how quickly I shed all I have learned, at how easily I overlook all the Black men I have come to respect and admire.  Every Black male I pass is suspect, possibly carrying a gun tucked under his shirt, a knife waiting to plunge into my chest. And so I continue to struggle with racism.  I don't want to suggest that I'm naive; I know there are dangerous men in the world.  I deal with issues connected to masculinity and violence daily.  There are certainly times to be guarded and cautious.  But I refuse to believe that being cautious has to result in the indictment of an entire group of men who live in areas designated as dangerous.  For a number of years now, after watching "Eyes on the Prize," I have not been able to rid my mind of these images: White men standing around a Black man hanging from a tree, his face puffy, bloodied; Black churches shattered and destroyed by bombs; Black youth sliding down sidewalks and along the sides of buildings as they are sprayed by high-pressure fire hoses held by White men; crowds of White men and women spitting at and pushing the few Black youth trying to make their way into a newly de-segregated school.  While these images might be dismissed as archaic, I know that racism by White men still exists.  James Byrd Jr. was chained to the back of a pick up by three white men and dragged for three miles outside Jasper, Texas. Or, less dramatically, a White male supervisor at Georgia-Pacific Corporation was charged with subjecting four African American employees to racial slurs, jokes, comments, and graffiti, and he fired one of the employees who complained.  Racial harassment charges filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission have jumped considerably in the last decade-from 2,849 in 1991 to 6, 616 in 2000.  And while these numbers don't tell us that White men were responsible for the harassment, I'm willing to bet they represent a more than significant portion.  Given this history, these images, these examples, these numbers, why not designate White men as a violent group? I don't have straightforward answers for my struggles around racism.  I do know, though, that racism is linked to Men Can Stop Rape's work around sexual violence, that too much silence surrounds both and that both involve dehumanizing groups of people.  And I know that I can't really begin to deal with racial issues until I examine my experience with whiteness and its privilege, in the same way I can't really begin to deal with sexual violence until I confront my own issues around masculinity.  Ultimately, the two merge, so that I'm struggling with a particular kind of manhood: White masculinity.  How do I understand, explain, and account for in MCSR workshops all the different ways that race blends with manhood? The first time I did a workshop in a DC public high school, I was anxious and uncertain, having no idea what it meant for a White, middle-age man to present to Black youth on preventing sexual violence. Now, I'm fairly comfortable going into a classroom where I'm the only white person, feeling fairly sure that I'll find ways to connect with the students.  But every time I become too comfortable with my progress on racial issues, an incident like the one in Southeast comes along to remind me that my work is not done and may never be done. After having spent half-an-hour trying to find the meeting site, I give up and head back to the metro and there's a sense of relief.  I'll be out of the area soon.  That sense of relief, though, not only slows my heart and lets me catch my breath; it allows me to look up, to see more people.  There's the man crossing the street, walking with a limp and a cane, looking like he's stepping out to buy the morning paper.  Waiting at a bus stop, a mother holds her daughter's hand, the daughter dressed like she's going to Sunday church even though it's Monday.  Two guys walk a little ahead of me, hoods pulled over their heads-to keep the drizzle off, I assume-jostling and joking with each other, looking like they're slowly making their way to their high school.  When I get to the metro stop, I ride the escalator down to the trains with all the other people starting their day. ==================== 12. THE CONTINUUM ==================== (Responses to last month's continuum are at the end of this section.) The "Continuum" is an exercise that we do in our presentation, "Stopping Rape Before It Starts: The Role of Men in Rape Prevention." We use it as a way to get high school and university students to start discussing with each other issues we see as related to sexual violence. Here's the way the continuum will work in the newsletter:  The continuum will run from 1-10.  At one end of the continuum is "Most Harmful to Women" and at the other end is "Least Harmful to Women," so that it would look like this: Least Harmful  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  Most Harmful to Women To Women There is also a separate category, "Not at All Harmful to Women" that equals 0. We will present readers with an attitude, action, language, belief, or assumption and ask you, the reader, to place it somewhere along the continuum, from 1-10 depending on how harmful you think it is to women. Or if you think it's not at all harmful, give it a 0.  Then explain why you placed it where you did. Here is this month's continuum action: *** In a "Sex Issue" of COSMOPOLITAN, there is an article called, "The Right Things to Say (and Do) After Sex," written by Steve Johnson, who based his writing on hundreds of interviews with men.  Here are quotes from two sections: "AFTER-PASSION PLAY: The two of you are lying there, and you want to whisper sweet nothings.  But what is a sweet nothing?  It's talking about how great his skin feels, how good a kisser he is, about the poster on the wall, but it's not a real, meaningful conversation. That's because your guy can't focus on anything too major because his brain is still located somewhere else in his body." "BE PREPARED FOR AN EARLY MORNING GROPE: No matter how many rounds you went the previous night, some guys often want to have sex in the morning because they tend to awaken at, um, full throttle.  And you can bet that in that first morning with you, he'll want to tangle again.  So be ready." *** Is the above harmful to women, and where do you think it belongs on the continuum and why? Send your responses to Pat McGann at pmcgann@mencanstoprape.org. Sometime soon we will publish in the newsletter how we usually debrief the continuum in our presentations. ################################################### Here are responses to last month's continuum action: "Two guys fighting because one called the other a 'fag'" -------------------- I would give this a low but positive number -- perhaps 3 or 4, although it's hard to judge, as this is my first exposure to a continuum question. This comment is subtly dangerous.  If the men are fighting over the word fag, then both the insulter and insultee understood that the former was accusing the latter of acting "unmanly."  IOW, not acting macho, tough, and all that crap: the insultee showed his feelings, dressed nicely, or otherwise exhibited unacceptable behavior.  This is dangerous to women in an indirect way: fighting is one method by which men force each other to conform.  These ways, unfortunately, are the ones that allow men to think rape is acceptable or not to think of their actions as rape at all.   --Jess -------------------- Regarding the fight because someone was called a "fag" (it reminds me of most of my childhood, having been called "Ben-Gay" from sixth grade on): If that which is "male" is defined as superior, that which is "not-male" is inferior, whether it be female, or gay.  If we as men don't respond to being called "fag" with "thank you very much," we validate the notion of a narrow definition of masculinity, one that denigrates anything non-macho.  This is harmful to straight men, gay, bi and trans men, and women.  I give it an 8.  -Ben -------------------- In a fight or out of a fight, one man calling another a fag is extremely detrimental to women.  The term fag is used in a similar way to bitch. It is a direct insult to a man's "masculinity".  Fag means that you are less of a man, that you act like a woman, that you are not one of the boys. Not only does it imply that gay men are weak or inferior, but it also suggests that the cause of this inferiority is that gay men are more like women, which due to the gender identity crisis in this country most gay men are stereotyped as being.  With these thoughts in mind it becomes simpler to identify why using this word does so much damage to women.  If men believe that being less "masculine" is truly negative they will strive to prove the opposite. This is what leads to rape culture...proving one's power, dominance, strength, and  "masculinity". Use of this word earns a 10 on my scale. --Jeff -------------------- I rate this an 8. The harmfulness to women, although indirect, is still harmful. I say the harmfulness is indirect because the term, "fag," is ostensibly a derogatory term to describe a gay person, usually a gay man. The word connotes certain effeminacy, however, and therefore, equates feminine qualities with something negative--in this case, weakness. The fact that the two guys are fighting over one calling the other a fag also signifies that the one who was called a fag has to resort to physical violence--a stereotypically male action--in order to disprove his feminine, read, "weak," qualities.  --Susheela -------------------- FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Everyone who responded did such a great job that we really don't have much to add.  We will say that this continuum card generally takes a lot of work to unpack with students because the connection is so indirect. Thanks for your responses to last month's continuum exercise, and send us more responses to this month's. Please send submissions you would like to see in the MCSR Newsletter to Pat McGann at pmcgann@mencanstoprape.org.  Submissions can include information about conferences, programs, events, projects, books, resources, as well as reports about issues and organizational programs. See you in June! Pat McGann Men Can Stop Rape Director of Outreach 202-265-6530